


play a song for me.

by kaiifayce



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Human Castiel, Romance, Season 9, Team Free Will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiifayce/pseuds/kaiifayce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean takes the reins in Cas' musical education.</p>
            </blockquote>





	play a song for me.

**Author's Note:**

> this is not-beta'd, so please forgive any grammatical mistakes/typos.
> 
> title from dylan's 'mr. tambourine man'.  
> lots of artists and songs are referenced in this work.

It all starts with an iPod.

It takes a month or two, but Zeke finally checks out of Hotel Sam. The whole ordeal wasn’t pretty; Sam was pretty pissed off about being kept in the dark, and Dean watches Zeke leave with a heavy feeling that it won’t be the last time they see him. However, Dean’s brain immediately went to Castiel.

The ex-angel kept himself plenty busy while he was kicked out- working at a gas station, renting the world’s smallest apartment, collecting a large duffel bag worth of clothing and items, ganking all things supernatural that swept through his neck of the woods. Dean was terrified for a brief moment that Cas wouldn’t want to come back with them, that he’d found his own home and didn’t need them anymore.

“I want you to come home, Cas,” is all he managed to say, standing in front of Cas’ register, throat dry and tight.

Castiel just turned around, announced to his manager that he would no longer need employment, and walked out of the Gas-n-Sip with Dean in tow. Dean smiled the entire drive back to the bunker.

Fast forward to a week later. Castiel has his own room, his dresser has been filled with his own clothes along with some of Dean’s old shirts, and he can now operate all of the kitchen appliances without incident. However, there is little else Dean needs to introduce Castiel to. It seems in their time apart Cas had very quickly learned how to be a functioning human being. For some reason Dean feels disappointed by this. He shakes it off, though, and focuses on the satisfaction of having his family finally together under one roof. He tries to convince himself that anything else would be asking for too much.

\---

Sam and Kevin return from a supply run with a present for Cas: a shiny new iTouch, complete with a bulky protector case.

“I think it’s time Cas was introduced to music, don’t you think?” Kevin explains while Sam and Castiel begin setting it up on Sam’s laptop.

“I have plenty of records and tapes. He doesn’t need some stupid gadget to listen to music,” Dean gripes. He can already tell Sam is going to have a large influence on what it put on the thing, which bothers Dean more than anything. He had tried to instill proper music education in Sam when they were young, but it never took. The last thing he needs is Cas playing _Coldplay_ on repeat while he does research; Dean might open a vein if that occurs. There is only so much emotional singing over a piano one can take.

Dean takes one look at the smile on Cas’ face as he taps away at the screen and suddenly finds all his arguments dying in his throat.

Castiel brings the iPod around with him everywhere. He plugs the ear buds during drives to crime scenes, hums while it plays on the counter when he brews coffee in the morning, plays it before he goes to sleep at night, just loudly enough that Dean hears the melody through their shared wall. Dean notices immediately that it relaxes the former angel. Whenever the iPod is on, Dean notices the lines etched in Castiel’s forehead, around his eyes, smooth out. He can see how his posture loosens the tiniest bit, and how a small tilt of a smile plays on his lips. Dean finds himself staring repeatedly, momentarily distracted by how young and human Cas looks while he mouths along to a song. He usually catches himself before Cas notices, although he can see Kevin or Sam giving him a sly smirk out of the corner of his eye. He ignores them.

Unfortunately, the first round of music put on it is indeed from Sam’s library. Cas takes a liking to Florence + the Machine, Mumford & Sons, Coldplay (Dean gives Sam death glares for a week for that) and the Civil Wars, but announces he is not a fan of some of the more electronic music Sam put on it. Kevin gives him a few recommendations, and Cas adds Philip Glass, Sufjan Stevens, Vitamin String Quartet, and more to his approval list. 

Dean reluctantly finds that he enjoys some of the music as well, but would rather feed himself to a wendigo than admit it to Sam.

Eventually, Castiel branches out on his own and begins to develop his own personal taste. Dean doesn’t recognize half of the names in his library- City & Colour, Bon Iver, Kaki King, Alexandre Desplat, half a dozen soundtracks to movies he’s never heard of- but he does notice that there are barely any classics on it. And that will just not do.

“That’s it. It’s my turn to musically educate you. I can’t hear another banjo or I’ll scream,” he announces one day at breakfast. Cas pauses his humming of ‘Radioactive’ to look at Dean. He pauses a moment, like the bastard needs to _think_ about it, cocking his head to the side in a way it seems he will never be able to shake.

“Alright,” he answers finally, turning back to his eggs and resuming his humming. Dean firmly tells himself that it's not adorable.

\---

Dean spread records out in front of Castiel on the floor of his room. He takes his time with his lessons, explaining how much better it is to listen to an album completely rather than one song and how different records influenced each other’s sound. He plays through all of the basics: Zeppelin, Creedence Clearwater, AC/DC, Skynyrd, Metallica, The Stones. After, he throws in some Sinatra, some Stevie, and one or two Bon Jovi, testing out how Cas reacts to each one. Castiel absorbs all of it like a sponge, listening patiently to entire albums before voicing his opinion. He doesn’t love everything, which Dean appreciates. As much as he likes that Cas is becoming more in tune with Dean’s taste in music, he respects the fact that Cas has his own musical identity.

Dean finds himself making playlists for Cas in their spare time between cases and research sessions. It starts off being songs he knows Cas likes, short lists just so Cas could put them on his iPod. Then it becomes songs Dean thinks Cas will like, then for different mood, until eventually he’s making mixes of songs that remind him of Castiel. Every time Dean hands him a freshly burned CD with some lame title scribbled on it in Sharpie, Cas’ faces lights up in a way that makes Dean’s heart do an infuriating backflip. Sam watches these interactions with a cocked eyebrow and a small snort as he walks away. Dean punches him in the arm for it.

“Are you sure you don’t want to start giving him cassette tapes or stand outside his room playing Peter Gabriel?” Sam teases after Cas scurries off to upload his latest mix to Sam’s computer.

“Shut up. I’m making sure he has good taste, something I clearly failed to pass down to you,” Dean growls back over his coffee. Sam shakes his head.

“I’m just saying, I can see all those playlists. You’re about one mix away from one titled ‘Songs for Our Wedding’ with hearts all over it. You act like it, enough,” Sam responds. Dean chokes on his coffee, glaring daggers at Sam as he clears his windpipe.

“That is NOT what they are about and we do NOT act like that,” he protests vehemently, wiping coffee from his mouth. Sam clucks his tongue in a disapproving way, muttering something about ‘oblivious idiots’ under his breath as he leaves the kitchen. Dean stares at the door for a moment. That is not what he is doing, he tells himself as he sips from his mug. There is no way he’d ever be as cheesy as revealing some secret feelings through a mix CD. That was not the Dean Winchester way; he wasn’t some lovesick teenager.

\---

Except Dean realizes he may be that cheesy the next day. 

During the course of Castiel’s music education, the two of them found a new sense of communication with each other that they had been seriously lacking before. Dean would talk about when he first heard certain albums, or how his Dad and Bobby gave him all the tapes and records he owned. He talked about how he never really got into the Beatles, but couldn’t help but listen to ‘Hey Jude’ from time to time because of his mom. He talked about how music had always been his rock in a life without a real foundation. Castiel in turn talked about how he witnessed the beginnings of music, how he watched the art change and grow over the years. He pointed out references to history and lore in songs that Dean never noticed before, explaining each story with a sense of excitement that Dean hadn’t seen in Cas before. Their banter is effortless, Cas will bring up an argument against someone Dean enjoys, and the two will debate the topic for hours.

The more they talk, Dean notices that they start becoming more and more physically comfortable around the other. When they listen to records, they sit shoulder to shoulder against Dean’s bed. When they argue over something, they shift closer into one another’s personal space. Then, it begins spilling into their daily interaction. Cas will end up tucking his feet under Dean’s legs when they watch movies on the couch. Dean finds himself pressing his hip into Cas’ when they stand at the kitchen counter in the morning. Sam obviously takes notice, giving pointed nods at Dean when it occurs before slipping out of the room. Dean, once again, ignores him. 

He doesn’t want to point it out to Cas. He doesn’t want to bring up the fact that they might be blurring some lines with their disregard for personal space because for once everything is going smoothly. There aren’t any secrets to argue over. There aren’t any major crises (minus the Heaven situation) to fight about. For once, Dean feels as if Cas is just a normal person who walked into his life versus this guardian angel meant to help keep him alive. He doesn’t want to mess up the relationship they have finally had time to properly build.

It comes to a head though the night after Sam brings up the mixes. With the amount of talking Dean and Cas end up doing, more often than not they lose track of time. At first it was just Cas or Dean nodding off in the middle of a record, propping themselves up against the other until they woke up and moved to their respective beds. Then Cas ended up falling sound asleep on Dean’s bed and Dean, too tired to wake him up, just curled up next to Cas on the bed. Then the one time turned into the two of them asleep on each other’s shoulder on the floor. Then it was the bed again. Eventually, Cas began to just take the initiative to get on the bed or Dean would pillow his head on Cas’ thigh after he started a new record. Dean brushed it off at first as just the two of them becoming comfortable around the other. Again, he didn’t want to bring attention to how abnormal it was for two guy friends to do that with each other. Hell, he was barely that comfortable with _Sam_.

‘Simple Man’ is playing on the record player ( _‘Boy, don't you worry. You'll find yourself. Follow your heart, and nothing else…’_ ). Cas is lying on his back, head on Dean’s lap. His eyes are closed, but Dean can tell he isn’t asleep yet because he can faintly hear humming low in Castiel’s throat. They haven’t been talking; in fact, they have just been listening in silence for almost an hour now. The strange thing is, not once has Dean felt like he had to speak. Something about the atmosphere just felt relaxed enough that he didn’t see any point in talking. Dean looks down and notices his hand that’s resting on his unoccupied thigh is half-buried in Cas’ hair. He’s not quite touching his head, but his fingers are in the mass of black hair just enough that Dean can feel the nerves in his fingertips buzzing from contact.

And then it hits him that all of this is way too intimate.

And just because his own body betrays his sudden burst of panic, he full-body jerks and yanks his hand back. Castiel blinks his eyes open and looks up at Dean. He doesn’t speak. His eyes ask the question for him.

“I- er, um, I think I’m gonna go to bed, Cas,” Dean sputters out, already shifting to get up. Cas lets out a groan as he rolls over and into a standing position. He lazily rolls out his neck and shoulders and Dean feels his face suddenly flush. Cas must notice something, because he pauses to regard Dean a moment.

“Goodnight then, Dean,” he finally says with a strange look on his face, and he lets himself out. Dean locks the door firmly behind him, and then drops his forehead against it. 

He should have noticed this earlier. How the hell did Sam notice before him? He can faintly hear Sam’s voice chirp ‘emotionally constipated’ in the back of his mind. He drops his head against the door a few times and curses under his breath. He is so fucking _stupid_.

Only Dean Winchester would realize he was falling in love with someone halfway through the process of expressing it.

\---

Dean doesn’t say anything about his revelation the next day. He continues on with life as normal, except he doesn’t initiate any ‘music lessons’. He can see Cas looking at him warily, as if he did something wrong as is trying to sort out what he did. Dean of course can’t tell him that he’s the one who’s done something wrong and has been unconsciously revealing feelings he didn’t even know he had. Even more so, revealing feelings he didn’t know he had to someone who might not even have those feelings in return. So he lets guilt eat him alive over making Cas think he’s done something wrong again after finally being allowed to come home.

_I suck_ , Dean thinks miserably.

Dean looks at the mixes he made, and he now sees Sam’s point. Somewhere along the line, he notices the songs become less about expanding Cas’ musical knowledge and more towards the personal side. There’s an entire CD that Dean recognizes as music he has always felt personally attached to, songs that made him feel better about the disaster of a life he’s had. There’s another that contains songs that made Dean think of Cas when he was gone, and he realizes how overtly romantic they are. Jesus Christ, has Cas noticed any of this or has he been blissfully unaware as well?

It takes three days of suspicious sort-of-avoiding-Castiel behavior for Sam to notice and confront Dean.

“What did you do?” is his eloquent opening line.

“Nothing,” Dean grumbles back, sorting his records on the floor of his room. He had gotten lazy about organizing them because of how often he was pulling them in and out.

“That’s just a lie, because you and Cas haven’t been acting like a married couple since I brought it up to you. What did you do, tell him?” Sam counters, plopping his giant self onto Dean’s mattress.

“No. I just-“ Dean starts, but he fumbles looking for a proper explanation. “I realized that maybe I’ve been unconsciously developing… _feelings_ … for Cas.”

“Well, duh,” Sam answers. His face is completely unfazed. “I basically told you that. Even Kevin notices it. Hell, I’m pretty sure Crowley can smell even smell the tension, it’s that strong,” he continues with a roll of his eyes, “So what do you plan on doing about it?”

“Nothing, Sammy. I’m not going to fuck up the one real friendship I have by admitting some feelings I have that are most likely not shared,” Dean sighs, looking toward his brother. Sam is wearing bitchface.

“Are you kidding me? How could you not-… Dean, have you ever looked at Cas’ iPod?”

Dean blinks at Sam. “How does that have anything to do-“

“Oh, _Jesus Christ_ , wait here,” Sam cries before blowing out of the room. Dean has no idea what just happened. Sam returns a few minutes later with the familiar item.

“How did you-“

“He fell asleep reading. Here, just look at the lists he’s made,” Sam interrupts, thrusting it towards Dean’s face. Dean takes the iPod, still unsure where Sam is going with this, but he scrolls through the massive amount of playlists Cas has stored. All of his are there; along with the few Sam and Kevin made him. Then there are a few that are clearly Cas’ creation. There’s one labeled ‘Dean’s Favorite Songs’, another labeled ‘Songs That Make Dean Happy’. ‘The Winchesters.” “Songs for Long Trips.” “Songs for Hunting.” It’s all music Dean has shared with him over the past few weeks, but it’s all organized based on what Dean has shared with Cas.

The one that really catches Dean’s eye is one that is just titled ‘Dean.’ He scrolls through the list and hears his own breath catch. There are some of his favorites on there- ‘Simple Man’, ‘Ramble On’. But then there are some that are clearly Cas’ choosing, from artists he doesn’t know. ‘Ghosts’, ‘Skinny Love’, ‘Walk Through Hell’, ‘Angel’, ‘Home’. It isn’t until he hits a song he does know that he feels as if his stomach has bottomed out. ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’. And doesn’t _that_ just kick him in the chest. 

Dean stares at the screen, unable to organize the thoughts running through his head. It’s all there, shining in his face. It’s all the proof he needs, but somehow he can’t make himself believe it. Dean had been unconsciously proclaiming his feelings while Cas was collecting his own. Cas had to have noticed what Dean had been doing. Had he been waiting this whole time? Dean looks up to see Sam looking at him with a face that reads pure exasperation mixed with that little bit of pride.

“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean croaks out, handing the iPod back. Sam takes it and moves towards the door.

“Don’t ruin it, Dean,” is all Sam says as he leaves. And Dean is left thinking about how there are so very many ways for him to ruin this.

\---

Dean waits until after dinner, when Kevin and Sam have returned to the ever-growing piles of tablet and Heaven research in the library. It’s Dean and Cas’ turn to do dishes, and they work with the faint sound of the iPod playing in Castiel’s back pocket. They’re close, but they’re not touching the way they have been. To Dean, it feels like there are miles between them instead of inches.

“I have another record I think I want to show you,” he throws out casually, drying a dish. He doesn’t need to look up to know Cas is looking at him.

“Really?” Cas replies, his voice full of hope. Dean is such an asshole for avoiding him.

“Yeah, there’s one song in particular that I think you’d want to hear,” Dean continues, still focusing on the dish in his hand. There’s a beat, and then the sound of water splashing once more.

“Okay,” is all Castiel replies. It’s all Dean needs.

Once the dishes are cleaned to Cas’ standard (he has grown to take his chores very seriously), Dean pulls Cas to his room and shuts the door behind them. He feels nerves flare up, but he forces them down. _Don’t fuck it up, Winchester_ , he repeats in his head while he pulls a record from the box. He's gotta hope he's read the signs right here.

He doesn’t say anything, just plays the record. ‘Make You Feel My Love’ filters out, soft and sweet. Dean braves a look to Cas, who, sure enough, looks slightly confused. After all, Dean’s already introduced him to Dylan. But he doesn’t say anything, just leans back against the bed and listens. Once it’s over, Dean is already up and loading another one on before Cas can speak. ‘Landslide’. When that’s over, he does the same thing- loads another on without a word. ‘Faithfully’. ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’. ‘Lilac Wine’. ‘Thank You”. He just plays a stream of songs without stopping. Cas doesn’t move, just waits and listens with his eyes closed. Dean waits until the last few chords of ‘Touch Me’ ( _'I’m gonna love you ‘till the heavens stop the rain. I’m gonna love you ‘till the stars fall from the sky for you and I…'_ ) before he slowly turns the volume down. Cas opens his eyes slowly, focusing on the ceiling for a moment before meeting Dean’s eyes.

“Dean, why did you play those songs?” he asks, voice thick with emotion. Dean can see the hope in Cas’ eyes, can see the flicker of fear too. He’s an _idiot_. Cas has always known. Cas didn’t need to realize it in the middle of what was going on. Dean hates himself for taking so long to catch up.

“Because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Dean answers. There's this breathless couple seconds of silence, where they're just looking at each other, just as they always have. Cas' eyes shine and he struggles to get his voice out.

“Pretty sure?” Cas echoes, voice still wobbly but tinged with amusement.

“Well, apparently I have been trying to tell you through music without realizing it,” Dean sighs, moving in towards Castiel a little bit.

“Well what just happened was quite obvious Dean,” Cas continues. Dean can see his hands twitching by his side.

“Well, you can thank your own mix for the idea.” 

A little closer.

“Did Sam show you?” 

Dean settles his weight on Cas’ thighs.

“Mhmm. Disappointed in the lack of classics in there.” 

Cas’ hands slowly rest on Dean’s hips.

“I think the message was still clear.”

Dean’s hands twist into Cas’ hair.

“Crystal.”  
“Could we kiss now?”

Dean huffs out a laugh in response before sealing their lips together. And it’s not an award-winning kiss because they’re a little frantic and they forget to breathe and Cas ends up humming into the kiss (‘What’s On My Mind’), but Dean laughs and laughs because he cannot imagine how he ended up this lucky.


End file.
